Funny encounter with a patient – the ‘bheja fry’ type

I had a patient of severe conjunctivitis from 15 days and he was just putting rose water hoping that it will settle on its own… I prescribed him one drop and one ointment… I get a call in the evenin from the patient…

Pt - hello doc..sorry for disturbin u but I have put those drop and ointment which u prescribed..i hope they wont cause any problem
Me - (surprised) I gave them so that u will recover… y did u ever think that they will create problems??
Pt - no I was just worried… by the way what shall I eat…
Me - well anything…
Pt - rice?
Me - anything
Pt - non veg?
Me - anything
Pt - anything cold?
Me- anything
Pt - can I take a bath
Me :-(irritated) yes.. y did u think u cant take a bath?
(ya bloody y the hell did I ask him)
Pt - well I meant its ok if water goes inside my eyes?
Me - ya no problem…
Pt - but then wont it affect my eyes???
Me - no… (was losing it)
Pt - then can I wash my eyes also???
Me - ya… u can do whatever u want…. Just put those medicines I gave u…
Pt - actually my mom is a bit worried… please talk to her…
Me - whts the need…
Before I finish my sentence its his mom on the line… must be around 60s as the patient himself was 40 yrs old
Pts mom - sorry beta… but I hope my son will recover fast…
Me - don’t worry maaji..he will
Pts mom - can I apply oil to his hair??
Me - yes u can maaji…
Pts mom - can I do maalish on his head…
Me - (tryin to keep my cool) yes u can maaji…
Pts mom : (sobbing) please cure my son fast…
Me - yes maaji… I will…
Pts mom - I hope he wont lose his vision
Me - (was losing it now) no maaji… he wont… please give phone to ur son now..
Pts mom - yes yes beta… long live…
Pt - yes doc…
Me - don’t worry… just put those medications as I have told u n everythin will be alright…
Pt - ok ok sir just one last question…
Me - (happy) bolo…
Pt - I have put those drops… they wont affect me right?
I hang up….